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Band 4.5

Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephones at their homes for work. Do you think, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons

#people #computer #laptops #telephones #homes #work #home
Nowadays,a high number of people use the best of technologies
such
 as computers,laptops and telephones at home for work and
exac‌tly
Correct your spelling
exactly
show examples
 business.I think
although
this
 telecommunication is harmful to our health,the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for the below reasons.
Firstly
,by online
Change the spelling
labour
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labor
Add a comma
,labor
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 we would be able to work very well and calmly from far distances and
then
 we will not complain about the position that our career
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
For example
,online shops help too many shopkeepers who want to transfer their goods and cargo all over the country since 1980.
Secondly
,it is very effective for an introverted person to work beyond human communications involving businesses and large social gatherings
due to
 the reason that they are more prone to spend their
job's
Change noun form
job
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 time alonely.
For instance
, it was very tough and time-consuming for a solitary to choose a job in society and ,usually they got annoyed before the birth of virtual performance
sothat
Correct your spelling
so that
 they became very comfortable
to do
Change the verb form
doing
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 it in their room far away from others.
Thirdly
,by distance
employment
Add a comma
,employment
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 we would rather devote a little of our time to leisure activities with our family.
For example
, during the
last
 two decades,men hung out with their
wifes
Correct your spelling
wives
show examples
 more than past and the heart to heart relations was inclined between couples.
To sum up
,in my opinion, computer or mobile working is a helpful way to earn money near being comfortable despite there
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 some tiny drawbacks behind it but the benefits are more remarkable.
Submitted by bayattaahereh90 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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