IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

To improve road safety, there should be more severe punishment for drivers who break the rules. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#road #safety #punishment #drivers #rules
Minimized road safety leads to uncontrollable accidents and deaths.
Therefore
, Lineant rules are a world-class issue in recent times. Faulty drivers should be punished stringently to increase lane freedom. I am convinced that laws are essential to be followed by each and every citizen of their nation.
This
 essay will discuss measures to increase track safety.
Firstly
, People nowadays never stick to the rules and regulations of lane protection, yet many policemen ignore to take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action against them. It is widely accepted that the country's security guidelines are in
hands
Correct article usage
the hands
show examples
 of their government.
Moreover
, stringent rules are required to break through the issue of road accidents.
For instance
, more than half of communities have strong political support,
hence
 disobeying orders can occur without any hesitation. Pilots should be more responsible as they are carrying a wide number of lives.
Secondly
, Punishing malfunctioned drivers should be a primary duty of cops, but
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 culprits are praised by higher officials.
Furthermore
, politicians are concerned only about their circles, not the innocent public. Despite
this
, plenty of genuine officials are in the department who serve best to their nation
.
Rephrase
best.
show examples
 To overcome
this
 issue, citizens should raise campaigns to spread awareness among people. A good illustration of
this
 is the country becoming corruption-free when each and every resider prefers not to make repeated mistakes. In conclusion, drive safety guidelines are to be improved with the support of the population.
Moreover
, Incapable positions of higher authorities lead to unhealthy improvement. Punishable acts should put corrupt drivers behind bars.
Submitted by ananthaprasanth on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure your ideas are fully developed and directly address the prompt. Make sure to provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in a more structured manner. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure smooth transitions between ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: