IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
The increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
violence
 in the world is rising every year.
This
 essay will argue that the two main causes of
this
 are related with poverty and the
rise
 of
gender
violence
. In
addiction
Correct your spelling
addition
show examples
, we are going to suggest that
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
programs
 and educational changes are the most viable solutions. The principal problem with
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
rise
 of different types of crimes
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the wide gap between poor and rich
people
, which affects the access that
people
 has to basic needs.
Likewise
, the lack of education left many young
people
 without any
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 to find a decent job or trade.
An other
Correct your spelling
Another
show examples
 factor to consider is the
steeply
Change the adverb
steep
show examples
rise
 of
gender
violence
 and
also
 the crime of hate, both are related to conservative societies and an
increise
Correct your spelling
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
innequality
Correct your spelling
inequality
. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, Woman UN has shared a survey which shows that the more unequal a country is, the biggest
Correct article usage
the porcentage
show examples
porcentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
problems
Change preposition
of problems
show examples
 of
violence
 and crimes it has. From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 there are two ways to solve these problems.
Firstly
,
underdevelop
Replace the word
underdeveloped
show examples
 countries need a
varity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
programs
 that give access to young
people
 to formal education or work training,
whereas
 they can build skills that allow them to find jobs and be able to cover their basic needs.
Secondly
, all the countries have to fight
againts
Correct your spelling
against
gender
violance
Correct your spelling
violence
 and
disciminatory
Correct your spelling
discriminatory
violence
to
Change preposition
against
show examples
 LGTBQ+
people
 with educational
programs
 available in primary and
secondar
Correct your spelling
secondary
 schools.
For example
, since 2022 Argentina is implemented
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of educational
programs
 to prevent
gender
violence
, with those they try to
cultive
Correct your spelling
cultivate
 respect for
people
 with diverse identities. To sum
, the
Change preposition
up, the
show examples
 main problems with the
rise
 of crime
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
poverity
Correct your spelling
poverty
 and
gender
 and hate
violence
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
this
 can be tackled through
groberment
Correct your spelling
government
 and educational
programs
.
Submitted by dianejael on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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