IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get liitle or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. why do many working people not get enough excercise? what can be done about this problem?

#people #liitle #exercise #time #health #excercise
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In the modern world, many
workers
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 do not go to the gym or practice any kind of sport which affect their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as their mental
health
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 and their body.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first suggest the lack of
time
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 as a key element of why
people
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 do not practice any exercise and it will tha state that the
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 of
work
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hours
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 could help to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. These days adults
work
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 more than
forty five
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forty-five
show examples
hours
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 per week,
whereas
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 their busy
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
,
such
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 as family, business
meeting
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meetings
show examples
, etc. do not allow them to have a lot of
time
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 off.
Addicionally
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Additionally
,
people
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 now do home office, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them be at home every day and all day long,
thus
Linking Words
workers
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 do not move or do any kind of exercise during the week.
Due to
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 their busy
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 eat unhealthy food. During
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
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 crisis,
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
important research about
this
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 problem found that 60
percentage
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percent
show examples
 of
people
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 have started to have
health
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 problems
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and obesity. With
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regard
of
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to
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 the question about how to find solutions to
this
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 problem, I personally consider that
reduce
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reducing
show examples
work
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hours
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 or
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 shorter
work
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 weeks could help to prevent
many
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any
show examples
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of
health
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 problems. The
technlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 could help us to improve
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
 process which will allow us to have more free
time
Use synonyms
 for
workers
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. In fact, there are many examples in different
caountries
Correct your spelling
countries
 that shows that working
less
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fewer
show examples
hours
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 is better for creativity and generates more
revenues
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revenue
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies. For
intance
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instance
, Spain implemented four working days as a trial
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two years ago, and the results have been fantastic, with a reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 obesity. Even though the companies were not happy at the begging
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they saw the rise in their productivity they were
also
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 happy. In conclusion, busy
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
 and long
hours
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 of
work
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 do not allow
people
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 free
time
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 to do sport or be outdoors, which directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 their
health
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 we suggest that reduce
work
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hours
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 will allow
workers
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 to have more
time
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 for
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and take care of
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
.
Submitted by dianejael on

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