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Writing Samples
Band 4

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #books #men #women #burnaby #library #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart displays how many
books
Use synonyms
 were read by men and women between the years 2011 to 2014 in a Public Library called Burnaby.
Overall
Linking Words
, the line graph shows that both, males and
fameles
Correct your spelling
females
, had read the same amount of
books
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2013,
however
Linking Words
, in the middle of 2013 the
fameles
Correct your spelling
families
 line graph drop down from 10.000
books
Use synonyms
 to a bit more than 6.000
books
Use synonyms
. The most
noticiable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 trend is that the number of
books
Use synonyms
 that men read has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
risen gradually from approximately 2.500 in 2011 to 2012,
whereas
Linking Words
 from that year
this
Linking Words
 figure rose sharply from 4.000 to 14.000
books
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
books
Use synonyms
 that women read
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 gradually from approximately 4.500
to10.000
Correct your spelling
to 10,000
 between the years 2011-2013, but
this
Linking Words
 amount registered a big change in 2013 and fell drastically
fro
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
, 10.000
books
Use synonyms
 to 6.000 approximately.
Submitted by dianejael on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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