IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

What are the benefits of requiring young people to serve the army? Does participation in community work qualifies as an alternative?

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The advantages of allowing the
youth
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 to give service to an
army
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, and their involvement in social
work
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. The essay will tell about the benefits of
youth
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 joining the
army
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 and community
work
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 as alternate qualifications.
To begin
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 , some of the prosperity of
youth
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 required in the
army
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 for the service is they are very energetic and they have a different point of view.
For instance
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, a young boy can is more powerful in terms of physics and he can run more efficiently when compared with the rest. They can carry more weight during the time of the attack. As they are healthy, they can serve more time in the
army
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, and no more medical reasons will be a hurdle. They have many ideas to deal with different problems.
For example
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, during the time of the Pulwama attack, the
army
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 need to know what is happening inside the room and
hence
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 a young boy came into the picture with the technology, where is used an eagle as a camera to help the team.
Secondly
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, social
work
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 is the best thing any human can go with, and the participation of today's generation is not much visible,
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 there are some countable people who are keen to help.
While
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 getting into community
work
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 young people understands the importance of life, and
this
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 can be a benefit for them in the
army
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,
such
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 as during war it is quite obvious to target the enemy and injured them, but once you win it is equally important to help them in recovering.
To conclude
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, both on the field and off the field as an
army
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 officer and social worker the
youth
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 can help the country to serve their best.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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