Some people think that we live in a society where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that his is improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #society #money #possessions #importance #lives

Some believe that there is no need to be affluent and rich in society,

while

others hold

this

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

view that money and wealth play a crucial role in human

life

. I strongly agree that money is a key role in our modern

life

and I will show the reasons in the following essay. The negative aspect of being wealthy

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in consumerist societies which create more waste

as a result

the environment will be damaged.

For instance

, a friend of mine who is so wealthy and follows trendy style frequently,

she

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

not only purchases a vast amount of fashionable clothes every week

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

renews her home designs every three months. So, with

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

consumerism we cannot protect our

plant

Correct your spelling

planet

show examples

at all.

On the other hand

, the

importance

Replace the word

important

show examples

role of cash should not be neglected

due to

the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

people could simply meet their both primary and secondary needs. As human beings, always

looking

Wrong verb form

look

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

a sense of satisfaction in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

. To illustrate

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

what I mean, I recently

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

read an article that affluent commuters, who have visited unattainable places have reached more

life

expectancy and cheerfulness.

In addition

, in

the

Correct article usage

show examples

society

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

people are rich,

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

committed crime has at the lowest rate, so when

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

have a wealthy society,

then

life

quality is at a high level and feel more secure. Denmark,

for example

, is the richest and safest country

around

Change preposition

show examples

the world. In conclusion, despite some riches probably

ignore

Wrong verb form

ignoring

show examples

negatives

Change the noun form

negative

show examples

effects on the environment, I totally hold

this

positive view that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

being wealthy not only

reduce

Correct subject-verb agreement

reduces

show examples

committed

Add an article

the committed

show examples

crime rate

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

, we do meet all

the

Change the word

our

show examples

needs effortlessly and obtain

life

satisfaction.

Submitted by hameddallali on Fri Feb 10 2023

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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