IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this is a negative development which can lead to isolation, potentially harmful situations and also problems later on in life

#people #socialise #face #development #isolation #situations #life
The rise of technology has enabled individuals to interact without the need to meet physically.
However
, I personally
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don't believe
this
 is a healthy way of interacting due as it may encourage antisocial behaviours and create
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of social skills which are effective in communication with other people.
Firstly
,
one
 cannot ignore the positive improvements that technology has brought into our lives, communication has been made easier as
one
 can communicate with another person who is miles away,
we
Correct word choice
and we
show examples
 have social media platforms which
enables
Correct subject-verb agreement
enable
show examples
one
 to meet individuals with whom you share the same interests at the comfort of your home without the need to be in the same physical
sorrounding
Correct your spelling
surroundings
surrounding
. As encouraging as it is, I believe
this
 could negatively impact someone's traits and
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 in the future as we need to have good social skills in order to
intergate
Correct your spelling
integrate
 well and live well with others.
Secondly
, meeting strangers on the internet could lead to harmful activities
such
 as cyberstalking. Someone could end up obsessed with the other party, putting their lives at risk. In conclusion,
one
 should engage themselves in activities that will allow place them in
Correct your spelling
surroundings
sorroundinngs
Correct your spelling
surroundings
 that will allow for
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
 with others
Submitted by wanjalahope14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: