IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that many people prefer to pursue academic studies at university rather than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
follow vocational training courses. Despite the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 university graduates, I completely agree that vocational training studies should be encouraged
due to
Linking Words
 the shortage of qualified manual
workers
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons why more
workers
Use synonyms
 should be trained in skilled professions like pumping,
electrical
Correct word choice
and electrical
show examples
 work. The first reason is,
Use synonyms
workers
Add the comma(s)
,workers
show examples
 play an important role in constructing new buildings, renovating or simply maintaining the facilities.
As a result
Linking Words
, our standard of living is ensured and the safety of citizens is protected. The second reason is the imbalance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the economy, which has resulted in a huge amount of unemployed graduates
while
Linking Words
 the shortage of
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 manual
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 is experiencing an upward trend. Taking Vietnam as an example, only 26% of
workers
Use synonyms
 have degrees of professional training or high-qualified skills,
while
Linking Words
 low-skilled
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 can't meet business needs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students should be encouraged to take vocational training courses. The first thing is, schools should integrate practical subjects into the school curriculum
instead
Linking Words
 of replacing all theory classes.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools can offer students some workshops that help them to learn hands-on skills and gain greater insights into their future jobs. Another thing is that parents not only have
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 for explaining the future prospects of manual jobs but
also
Linking Words
 well-paying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 as a way of teaching their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. In the final analysis,
although
Linking Words
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
believed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some people that students should apply to university for academic studies, I personally agree vocational training courses would be better for them
due to
Linking Words
 the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 manual
workers
Use synonyms
 with professional skills.
Submitted by npacademyenglish on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays: