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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities
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Nowadays
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are asked to work part-
time
Use synonyms
 by
parents
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 to earn money.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that
this
Linking Words
 way they will understand and appreciate basic lessons about work,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 believe that
parents
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 should let them free to spend
time
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 for rest, sport and after-school activities.
This
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 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
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. On the one hand, as a
father
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,father
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 I think
teenagers
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 should work part-
time
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 to be introduced
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a sort of anteroom of what is going to happen in the future. They are basically asked to understand the minimum requirements of the working world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can have the opportunity to become more disciplined,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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earn money devoted to their own expenses and, somehow,
to
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apply
show examples
contribute to the family budget.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescence is, without a doubt, an awesome period of
Add an article
a teens
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teens
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teens'
teen's
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 life, especially for those of them who spend
time
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for
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on
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 after-school activities,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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,
music
Correct word choice
and music
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 and need rest that cannot be sacrificed. What’s more, I clearly remember when I was a teenager. At that
time
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 I had the awareness that I was requested to have my own responsibilities,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 doing homework or following
strictly
Change the adverb
strict
show examples
 rules set up by my
parents
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.
However
Linking Words
, I was available to completely appreciate
spare
Add an article
the spare
show examples
time
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 and deeply live my life with
counterparts
Correct pronoun usage
my counterparts
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. In my opinion,
teenagers
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 shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and adolescence period working part-
time
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, since discipline and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money worth depends mainly on the values instilled in them by their
parents
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. In conclusion, as far as I’m concerned, with reference to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
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, working part-
time
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 can be a good chance to sway
over
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apply
show examples
their personality.
However
Linking Words
, I fully and firmly believe adolescence is crucial in the growing up trajectory of life and
teenagers
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 should spend
time
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 to strongly appreciate their
ilfe
Correct your spelling
life
.
Submitted by nicolavistoli on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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