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Writing Samples
Band 5

With an increasing overweight population some people think that universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses. To what extent do you agree?

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With the rapid improvement of
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 quality of life in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary society, there are tremendous entertainment factors which could cater to people’s needs. Obviously, some people are extremely indulging in amusements and it may bring some negative impacts on their bodies,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and diabetes. These days, an issue that has fuelled a heated debate is whether universities have to require whole
students
Use synonyms
 to do exercises on campus as the sustained growth of
overweight
Correct article usage
the overweight
show examples
 population.
While
Linking Words
 it is maintained by some that it is unnecessary to have sports, others hold the opposite opinion.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
inclined
Add a missing verb
am inclined
show examples
 towards the former idea to a larger extent. First and foremost,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would lend my support to the
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 that universities must make physical
education
Use synonyms
 an obligatory module on all degree courses, chiefly based on the consideration that there are a lot of recreational facilities, massage
chair
Fix the agreement mistake
chairs
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, that may precipitate
students
Use synonyms
 to over-relax.
This
Linking Words
 may bring some detrimental health problems, like obesity, as they encounter
reduced
Add an article
the reduced
a reduced
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of standard exercise, which contributes to the accumulation of excessive fats in their body.
Thus
Linking Words
, physical
education
Use synonyms
 is extremely important in ensuring and maintaining
students
Use synonyms
’
overall
Linking Words
 well beings.
Additionally
Linking Words
, another point
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 not be overlooked is that there are versatile food choices nowadays, people are able to select what they are most likely to consume for their
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
. Paradoxically, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 are willing to sacrifice their
time
Use synonyms
 and energy
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their studies
instead
Linking Words
 of choosing a healthy meal.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may tend to consume fast food,
such
Linking Words
 as McDonald’s and Subway, as a means to utilise their
time
Use synonyms
 more effectively
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their academic pursuit. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
,
according to
Linking Words
 a report made by BBC in 2017, there are 61.2% of teenagers possessed adipose
due to
Linking Words
 their long-term consumption of fast food.
Consequently
Linking Words
 ,
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 need to make physical activities a mandatory part of the curriculum.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 understand why it could be sometimes claimed by some that it is unnecessary for
students
Use synonyms
 to have physical activity
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
campus
Add an article
the campus
show examples
. The reason may involve the recognition that
universities’
Change noun form
universities
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are facing more challenges in their cut-throat academic competitiveness.
This
Linking Words
 is because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 limited amount of job opportunities on the uneven playing field
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
provided to them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they need to make more effort in their academic performance
instead
Linking Words
 of participating
sports
Change preposition
in sports
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
a news
Remove the article
news
a piece of news
show examples
 was reported by CNA in 2020,
Use synonyms
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 is increased
5.3
Change preposition
by 5.3
show examples
%
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 2012 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it demonstrates that sports could be futile and pointless
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 the claim that physical
education
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent, my firm conviction is that it is paramount for
students
Use synonyms
 to make physical
education
Use synonyms
 an obligatory module
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all degree courses. I would strongly advocate that
students
Use synonyms
 need to plan their
time
Use synonyms
 effectively.

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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