IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success
It is true that
people
 have been becoming concerned about the link between equality and personal achievement. In my opinion, in an equal
society
,
people
 can reach a higher level of achievement. Education is an important factor in personal achievement. In a
society
 where all
people
 have the opportunity to receive an education, there is more likely to arise talent genius to help
society
 advance. Without equal access to education, gifted
people
 may obscure
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 and never have the chance to develop their talent.
Furthermore
, in a more equal ,
society
people
 can pursue knowledge through public debate and discussion of their opinion with each other,and these are very crucial ways to learn if you want to achieve more individual merit.
For example
, Ancient Eden has a lot greater philosophers and cultural achievements than the Persia emperor, and
this
 is partly because Eden
society
 is more equal. And I would argue that equal rights and liberty are not necessarily in conflict.
People
 living in a more equal
society
 do not necessarily lose their motivation to succeed. In fact, I believe
people
 would work more hard if they think they are living in a fair
society
.Those who did not make the same effort would know that they had wasted their opportunity. Inequality,
on the other hand
, would be more likely to demotivate
people
 because they know that the odds of success were stacked in favour of those from privileged backgrounds. In conclusion, it seems to me that there is a positive relationship between equality and personal success.and and
Submitted by supervzxx on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: