IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults in the UK attend arts events.

The table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults in the UK attend arts events.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table given indicates the reasons that motivate adults in the United Kingdom to be present at
arts
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 attend
arts
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 to meet a particular performer or artist,
while
Linking Words
 only a small number of
people
Use synonyms
 come because of work or business reasons. It is evident that most
people
Use synonyms
 attend
arts
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 to meet their favourite performer or artist, as the figure remained relatively stable at 55% to 58% over the 20-year period.
However
Linking Words
, there is a decreasing trend of
people
Use synonyms
 going to
events
Use synonyms
 for either special occasions or celebrations. It was actually a quite popular reason back
then
Linking Words
, but the figure had dropped from 27% to 20% ten years ago before dropping to 9% recently.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is an increasing trend regarding coming to
arts
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 for accompanying children and work or business purposes. 20 years ago, only 6% of
people
Use synonyms
 attended
arts
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 for work or business
events
Use synonyms
, but the number has risen significantly to 11% now.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 coming to
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
arts
Change the noun form
art
show examples
events
Use synonyms
 to accompany their children, as the number had been gradually increasing from 9% to 15% before
finally
Linking Words
 hitting 24%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words arts, events, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: