IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views?

#children #countries #people #food #outlets #parents #health
In today's world, the number of
children
 who have an unhealthy diet is inclining. Being overweight comes
as a result
 of many situations. One of them is using fast
food
 outlets which are growing more than before and the other reason may be
parents
 who don't much to prevent their
children
 to be overweight. It is true that the number of fast
food
 outlets is increasing rapidly and
children
 eat out at restaurants more often. The reason for
that is
 having restaurant dishes is more convenient.
Moreover
, their
food
 is
also
 tasty so
children
 are willing to eat out without considering money-related issues.
Consequently
, they will become fat and they will want more fast
food
. We cannot underestimate the role of
parents
 in
children
's lives. It is certainly an obvious duty to take care of
children
's health.
This
 can be done by teaching them what a healthy diet consists of.
Moreover
, there can be some limitations on eating fast
food
.
Although
 many other things
as well as
 mentioned things can be done, There is no way to take control of
children
's acts because they have free will to choose what they want. But the key point for
children
 is to be informed which is the duty of
parents
.
Thus
,
parents
 cannot be blamed completely for their
children
's actions. In conclusion, ever-increasing fast
food
 outlets and lack of attention paid by
parents
 could lead to
children
's unhealthy diets. Personally, I believe both of them have their own impacts and we cannot relate the issue to one specific reason.
Submitted by mr.haghighat1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!