IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that adverts control what we purchase, while other think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #adverts #control #purchase #sources #information #products
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Renting a home is a more popular choice in some particular countries than purchasing it.
This
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 option can yield some benefits and drawbacks,
such
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 as the convenience of having a temporary
house
Use synonyms
 and the adverse impacts on the financial aspect. Paying for a place as a short-term accommodation will provide people with the opportunity to adjust themselves first so that it would not be a burden if they want to proceed with their move to other houses. People generally experience uncomfortable situations, which makes them want to change their current place.
For example
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, a family that rents a
house
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 requires them to relocate to a larger flat because of having many members in the same place, they would easily move to other locations without having a responsibility to sell their previous home.
On the other hand
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, the renters would suffer from financial problems because of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the renting fee.
This
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 results in a fluctuating price since the host tends to charge them higher alongside the improvements made in the area around the
house
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, if a
house
Use synonyms
 has massive alterations and developments, the price will increase significantly since the real owner wants to get more profits from it, which would give a downside for the renters. To exemplify, housing in China gets more pricey gradually
due to
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 some improvements, including new parks, hospitals, and railways, made by the governments where it is located, making the community strive to pay for the costly rent
To conclude
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, renting a home could be a benefit as it facilitates people to adjust before they stay continuously so that it will give them convenience when they desire to move to other places
due to
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 some circumstances.
However
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, the changes in the payments can put them at risk in monetary aspects, which makes them struggle to fulfil the payments.
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coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by ensuring that each paragraph clearly links to the next, maintaining a fluid progression of ideas.
task achievement
Further develop your ideas with more detailed examples and reasoning to enhance the clarity and depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about housing prices in China which supports your argument well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-structured and logically organized, making your argument easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasive techniques
  • celebrity endorsements
  • catchy slogans
  • emotional appeals
  • materialistic culture
  • competitive pricing
  • consumer demand
  • brand loyalty
  • consumer behavior
  • innovations
  • informed choices
  • misleading claims
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