IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
It is argued that, in the 21st century,
habitats
Correct article usage
the habitats
show examples
 of
animals
 are destroyed day by day. I completely disagree with
this
 opinion and
this
 essay will examine
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
 causes
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 statements.
Firstly
, the worldwide problem is
deforestation
Correct article usage
the deforestation
show examples
 of
animals
 places. Simultaneously, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
originated extinction of
animals
. Nowadays, some
people
anxious
Add a missing verb
are anxious
show examples
 about these concerns. And they are a
wrestle
Replace the word
wrestler
show examples
 to protect
animals
 from different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of dangers.
For example
, one of the big
enemy
Change to a plural noun
enemies
show examples
 of
animals
 is
braconiers
Correct your spelling
balconies
 and they are constantly tried to kill them for
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
reasons
Change preposition
of reasons
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change
also
 affecting to their lifestyle.
That is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the government should provide funding to protect
animals
 and keep natural resources.
Secondly
,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 increasing rapidly, and
this
Add the preposition
ofdisposing
show examples
disposing
Replace the word
disposal
show examples
 seized new areas. And most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 regarding, humanity need new zones for a living and
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 way, from their perspective considering
animals
 do not need our world. In my opinion,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our society need more
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
intelligences
Change the wording
intelligence
bits of intelligence
show examples
people
.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they know how to deal with global problems and have the ability to predict in advance.
For instance
, like Stephen Hawking,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is my role model person and I really appreciate
him
Change the pronoun
his
show examples
 capacity
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 new
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
In addition
, he has big influences
about in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both flora, fauna and
as well as
 the brain system of
people
. Taking everything into account,
people
 should decide
one
Change preposition
on one
show examples
 point.
This
 is because
animals
necessary
Add a missing verb
are necessary
show examples
 to our forests, they give us what we require and they're keeping
balance
Add an article
the balance
a balance
show examples
 of nature. But some
people
 don't understand these blessings.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: