IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Boxing is a blood sport which often results in physical injury. It is inappropriate for this sport to exist in the modern age. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #blood #sport #results #injury #age
Nowadays
people
 confront
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a big problem.
This
 is
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 for working.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, there are a number of benefits of
this
 process, but
on the other hand
, there are some drawbacks and issues which must be discussed and solved. In
this
 essay, both sides will be explained and supported with examples. First of all, speaking about pluses of
job
 for working. Some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 have
Add an article
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 because they can’t good
job
, but heavily they are lazy. So,
people
 go
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
job
 6 once a week.
Also
, some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 think that they
don’t
 have
talent
 and must usually go
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
job
.
For instance
,
popular
Add an article
the popular
a popular
show examples
 poet wrote
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 book associated with
topic
Add an article
the topic
show examples
.
This
 is George
Orwell
Change noun form
Orwell's
show examples
 “1984”,
people
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 written
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 have
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
. They go
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
job
 every day, but they
don’t
 understand that other
people
 have good
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 associated with
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
show examples
.
This
 plus
explain
Change the verb form
explains
show examples
 that
job
 unrelated
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
talent
.
This
 is
easy
Add an article
the easy
an easy
show examples
 way. Unfortunately, most
people
 choose
this
 way.
However
,
topic
Add an article
the topic
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 drawbacks and issues.
Add an article
A person
show examples
Person
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
don’t
 think about
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
talent
. They
don’t
 want to research something,
create
Correct word choice
or create
show examples
 innovations. In XXI century young
people
 sit with
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. They
don’t
 feel life. After they graduated
school
Change preposition
from school
show examples
,
university
Correct word choice
or university
show examples
, they
don’t
 understand where they can work.
To sum up
, I want to say, that
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 your time we see
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of
people
 go
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
job
 without
mood
Correct article usage
a mood
show examples
. They go on the
job
 because they need money. It’s not good. So
people
 develop robots. I think, that
people
 should spend time for
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. And our will world
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 a bit better.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!