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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows information about age, average income per population

The table below shows information about age, average income per population
The table details
age
Use synonyms
 demographics and their relation to
poverty
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 in three states in the United States of America. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that there are more young individuals in Utah,
while
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 those over 60 in
poverty
Use synonyms
 are more common in
California
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 and especially
Florida
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. Average incomes are generally highest in
California
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 and
Florida
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 and the largest proportion of total
residents
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 in
poverty
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 is highest in
California
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, followed by
Florida
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, and
lastly
Linking Words
 Utah. In
California
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, 16% of all
residents
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 are under the official
poverty
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 line, with 17% of all
residents
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 under 18 years old and 13% over 60. These figures are broadly similar to
Florida
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 where 12% of the population is in
poverty
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 (16% of total
residents
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 under the
age
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 of 18 and a notable 23% over 60). In terms of average income,
California
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 was recorded at $23,000 and
Florida
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slightly
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was slightly
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 lower at $22,000. The figures in Utah are markedly different as only 9% of
residents
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 are considered poor. Of the total population
age
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 demographics, 28% are under the
age
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 of 18 but just 8% are elderly individuals.
Additionally
Linking Words
, average earnings are lower than the other two states at just $17,000.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, poverty, california, florida, residents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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