It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives #risk

During our

life

Add a comma

,life

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we have to take a

risk

in both

professional

Correct pronoun usage

our professional

show examples

and personal lives. Without taking risks we cannot achieve any ambition and become successful. The

risk

is essential to our personal growth with certain drawbacks. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will elaborate

Change preposition

on my

show examples

viewpoint with some examples.

To begin

with, certain spheres and occupations always go

together with

great danger and unpredictability.

This

is particularly true for money-related fields,

such

as investment, banking and marketing. It is not rare when people pour money into suspicious deals and end up being broke.

In other words

, some unclear decisions can lead to very unpleasant situations. At the same time, it is undeniable, that every great success requires a great

risk

For example

, Warren Buffet, one of the most influential businessmen and investors emphasizes in each interview that he couldn’t become whom he is without taking a

risk

. Moving

further

, a big challenge is always a big adventure and innovation. Humans haven’t always been as advanced and exposed to knowledge as it is today. We didn’t have any clue about our surrounding thousands of years ago but now we can travel and see the wonders all around the globe.

For instance

, famous explorers

such

as Vasco da Gama and Ferdinand Magellan didn’t know what is beyond the horizon but they kept moving forward discovering new lands and oceans. In conclusion,

risk

-taking can be an exciting adventure

as well as

a profitable decision, which can contribute to the development of one person and the world in general.

Submitted by olgaromaniv2580 on Mon Feb 13 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

large companies should provide sport and social facilities to community. To what extent do you argee or disagree?

In spite of many advance women have made in education and employement they will be disadvantage when it came to pay and promotion. What is the main causes and give a solution.

An increasing number of people choose to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people want to change the way they look? Is it a positive or negative development?

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be bend in public place. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?