Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

Sugary
products
should increase
theit
Correct your spelling
their
the
price
due to
the reason of causing individuals
health
problems
. Food and drink
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that are manufactured by money contain
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of
sugar
. In
this
Correct your spelling
essay
eesay
Add a comma
,eesay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will point out reasons why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
argee
Correct your spelling
agree
argue
and
disargee
Correct your spelling
disagree
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
raising the
prise
Correct your spelling
price
show examples
will not solve the problem.
People
need to take responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
health
in their hand and more actions should be taken during the production of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
products
.
Firstly
to deal with
this
problem we need to take the production process in control. During the making process of
products
Add a comma
,products
show examples
people
have to control the
sugar
level in them.
People
all around the world know that
sugar
can cause serious
problems
in human
health
, starting with
obisity
Correct your spelling
obesity
.
while
knowing all of
this
money
centered
Change the spelling
centred
show examples
people
still make their foods and drink with high
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentages
of
sugar
. Raising the price will not solve the problem. Consumers will still wind the way to buy them. Another reason why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
do not
argee
Correct your spelling
agree
argue
with the statement is that
people
need to take
responsebility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
health
in their hand. If they are not
thinkig
Correct your spelling
thinking
about their well-being no one will. We learn from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
young age that eating a lot of highly sweetened food will cause
problems
. Our parents say that our teeth will fall out,
when
Correct word choice
and when
show examples
we get a little bit older they say that it can seed
another issues
Replace the adjective
another issue
other issues
show examples
, yet we still do not listen to them until it is late.
To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
everything that has been stated so far
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
want to say that
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
individuals will not be stopped if the
products
will be expensive.
manufacturer
Add an article
the manufacturer
show examples
should control the
sugar
level in their
products
.
However
, consumers
also
need to be more
responsable
Correct your spelling
responsible
. They need to think about their
health
beforehand
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they do not want to regret
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
problems
with their well-being. With knowing about all the issues that can be produced individuals have to consume highly
sweeted
Correct your spelling
sweetened
sweet
sweated
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
less
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
they do know.
Submitted by salta.Zh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: