IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003

The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003
The line graph compares the clothes expenditure via online shopping in the USA and Japan from 1999 to 2003.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in 1999
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 buying
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Internet than the Americans. It is noticeable that the amount of money spent
flactuates
Correct your spelling
fluctuates
 with an increasing trend. In 1999, the Japanese spent twice the amount the Japanese paid on their apparel online at 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. In
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000, the figures for both countries increased, 12 and 10
million
Use synonyms
, respectively. Surprisingly, both countries had dropped their spending on
cothing
Correct your spelling
clothing
 in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2001 to only 7
million
Use synonyms
. The two following years, 2002 and 2003 showed a rapid
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in sales of
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 online. In 2002, the USA residents spent around 19
million
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 in Japan they spent 1
million
Use synonyms
 less. Online apparel sales reach its peaked
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2003, with around 20
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 spent by the two countries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: