IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Students are becoming more and more reliant on computers. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?

#students #computers #reliance
It is widely said that recently kids are getting more dependent on using
computers
. With that trend, there are increasing problems that spending too much time on
computers
 has brought, which leads to an ultimate lack of academic performance, exposure to some troubles and failure to grow habits of exercise.
Also
, using a computer properly is necessary since most students work using
computers
 when they become adults, and there is a growing need for schools and parents to introduce some solutions for better usage.
Firstly
, one of the problems is that depending too much on
computers
 contributes to a sufficient lack of students' ability to think on their own.
For example
, the internet on
this
 invention has pretty much all the answers the schoolchildren seek for learnings and doesn't leave any space for them to think by themselves, even with artificial intelligence,
such
 as Google, DeepL and ChatGPT, giving you all the answers.
Secondly
, kids have unlimited access to any content, and even they can reach inappropriate content or services against their age.
For instance
, there are those cases reported every year that some youngsters in Japan had been involved in crimes through spending lots of hours with
computers
.
Lastly
, kids are busy catching up with using
computers
, so they don't play outside anymore. Apparently, outside physical activities from an early age are considered very important in terms of building healthy bodies and social skills towards others. The main solution is to have limited access and time spent on
computers
 both inside and outside schools. In my experience, utilizing
computers
 is good for the occasion
such
 as fieldwork and practical classes in school, and having my parents filter the contents helps me take advantage of
computers
 safely. In conclusion, in order to tackle some problems caused by reliance on
computers
, it is recommended to introduce some limitations over time and content access for students.
Submitted by kanakofukuda199531 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ Β»β€” a book that's free for πŸš€ Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: