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Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.

The pie chart illustrates the pros and cons of visiting the bown
island
Use synonyms
 by the
survey
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 from the experience
visitors
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,every place has disadvantages and advantages.most common of
Bowen
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island
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 are these eight are part of
this
Linking Words
survey
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 weather,high cost of living, entertainment ,food quality,
people
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, culture,scenery and good quality accommodation. the most common advantages of
Bowen
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island
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 are four which are part of the
survey
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 to
people
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 are nicest so 42% of
visitors
Use synonyms
 are saying that
people
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 are the advantage of visiting
Bowen
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island
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although
Linking Words
 scenery got close in the good books of tourist, in the end, scenery ended up second.tourist
also
Linking Words
 liked culture too and 12% of
visitors
Use synonyms
 voted
this
Linking Words
 as an advantage at
last
Linking Words
 11%
visitors
Use synonyms
 said that good accommodations are
also
Linking Words
 one of the pros of visiting the
Bowen
Use synonyms
island
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. The cons of going to
Bowen
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island
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 are many but one of the biggest from the
survey
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 was the high cost of living there
in addition
Linking Words
 Second the pie chart depicts the tradeoff is entertainment 25% of
visitors
Use synonyms
 voted that
this
Linking Words
 is a disadvantage,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 consider the weather a negative point to 15% of
people
Use synonyms
 voted for
this
Linking Words
 at
last
Linking Words
 food quality was not good 10% of Tourists voted for
this
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words island, survey, visitors, bowen, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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