IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions.

#sports #athletes #substances #performance #phenomenon
Sports
 has always been a place where everyone admires the best. In order to do that a rise in the number of professional players in numerous
sports
 is being noticed which use banned substances to enhance their performance. The following essay will shed some light on the reasons behind
this
 trend supplemented with some reasonable solutions to tackle the issue. These days tough competition is always present in any kind of
sports
 and everyone wants to be on the peak to be the most likeable competitor. Usually, the ingredients to be the best
is
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 constant practice and sheer focus during training which takes time followed by hope.
For example
, bodybuilding is considered a slow and steady process because it requires the usage of proper nutrients on time to build the muscles.
Therefore
, to speed up the recovery steroids are preferred by coaches and trainers.
Moreover
, in some other
sports
, the competition is so tough that athletes get to have only a short period of time to prove themselves.
Consequently
, they tend to fall for pills that boost stamina and kick away fatigue. Despite these lucrative reasons to have these sorts of drugs it is
however
 not happily recommended by health officials.
For instance
, bodybuilders seem to shrink in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
size as soon as they stop taking those harmful steroids followed by some long-lasting side effects. To tackle
this
 issue, herbal medicines are being introduced into the market which do not cause any internal organ damage.
Moreover
, not only strict policies and standards should be introduced in all forms of
sports
 but camps targeting deepening the biological understanding of players towards the usage of drugs.
To conclude
, in order to put a hindrance in
this
 trend, teenagers who later become professional athletes should be given prior knowledge of the biological effects even though it comes with a great prize.
Submitted by sawantaya990 on

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task response
The essay addresses the causes and solutions to the phenomenon of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. The response is mostly cohesive and the main points are supported with relevant examples. However, the response lacks in providing a comprehensive and clear analysis of the causes and solutions. More depth and development in the ideas are needed to fully address the task question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks in coherence and cohesion. The logical structure of the essay is somewhat effective, but the overall organization and connection between ideas need improvement. More coherent linking of ideas is necessary to enhance the flow of the essay.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in using more precise and varied lexical resources. Some language is repetitive and lacks sophistication. Try to incorporate more complex and contextually appropriate vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect the clarity and precision of the language. Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and aim for accuracy and natural phrasing to improve the grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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