IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis.Other people believe that world population is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of world's economy and society. Discuss both views and give your option.

#people #world #population #crisis #growth #economy #society #option
These days,
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
population
 is continuously rising in many countries. Some
people
concern
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
 that
this
 will have negative consequences on a global scale
while
 others think that there are more benefits in a multitude of nations. In
this
 essay, I will describe
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
lacks
Fix the agreement mistake
lack
show examples
 of natural
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
 and good
managements
Fix the agreement mistake
management
show examples
,and give my opinion. Looking at the dire view. The main effect
is decrease
Change the verb form
is decreasing
is decreased
show examples
 in natural
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 because
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 many years,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of natural resources are reduced dramatically since
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large number of
people
 require them for living.
For example
,
It is clear that
 the most
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 resource
is forests
Change the verb form
forests
show examples
. When the towns are crowded, the majorities of inhabitants move to rural areas. They will deforest in order to
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 residences so after the number of trees are cut , the large amount of
carbondioxide
Correct your spelling
carbon dioxide
, which is absorbed by tree's leave, is emitted
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
 gas leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.
In contrast
, reflecting the good stability of the countries is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive point as the significant growth of
population
 indicates the successful management of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and society.
For instance
,
population
 growth can lead to economic rise because more
people
 are able to produce and buy more goods.
Consequently
, governments collect higher tax revenues which can be spent on public goods,
such
 as health care and environmental projects.
To sum up
, even though
growing
Add an article
the growing
show examples
 world
population
 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages, I hold the view that the disadvantages are more dangerous. I think if the number of
people
 increases equals a decrease. It will be better for all.
Submitted by 333thirdmys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: