IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In modern society, fashion is becoming more and more popular in people’s choice of clothes. Why? Do you think it is positive development or negative development?

In recent times,
people
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's trend toward
fashion
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 has increased dramatically.
nowadays
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Nowadays
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 population's orientation to purchase
fashion
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clothes
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 is noteworthy
,
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.
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 In
this
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 essay, I will outline some reasons that I believe it made the community follow
such
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orientation
Correct article usage
an orientation
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as
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, as
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 well as elucidate why I believe it is a detrimental development. First of all, the social media, social media plays a vital role in every person's life at present time,
hence
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, as users explore it they are liable to see advertisements that promote
fashion
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 most of the time,
in addition
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, the public follows accounts of famous
people
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 and imitate them as they the well-known
people
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 represent as idols,
hence
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, ordinary
people
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 tend to wear clothing same as their idols,
moreover
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, celebrity peoples are accounted to be the high-level society
in other words
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 rich community , so the population especially the youth tend to imitate their lifestyle
as well as
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 their
clothes
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 which it is, of course, the up-to-date
fashion
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 as they are part of the announcements.
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furthermore
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Furthermore
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, a person wears fashionable
clothes
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 to show others that he or she is rich somehow as fashionable
clothes
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 are expensive most of the time. In my opinion, it is a negative evolution for several reasons, first, poor individuals can not afford
such
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clothes
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 , which will create inequality in society,
secondly
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, I believe individuals should be self-confident and not be influenced by fewer who only concern is financial aspects and nothing more,
Furthermore
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,
people
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 should spend their money on crucial commodity rather than substantial costly
clothes
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. In conclusion, recently,
fashion
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had
Wrong verb form
has
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 become a pandemic which spread among the public
as a result
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 of many factors
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 social media as the most effective
, to
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. To
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 shed light on
this
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 development, I think it is a waste of money and has a detrimental impact on society.

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structure
Plan your essay. State a clear view in one line in the first paragraph.
structure
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Do not mix ideas in one paragraph.
coherence
Use simple link words to show cause, effect, and order: First, Then, Also, But, Finally.
content
Make your points with clear reasons and a short example or fact.
grammar
Check your grammar. Make subject and verb agree and use a steady tense.
task
End with a clear opinion about if fashion is good or bad.
task
You give a view and argue for it in the end.
coherence
You use linking words to show ideas and steps.
content
You point out social media's role as a main reason.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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