IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Human society has made great technological progress in the last 100 years. Some people think this also has negative effects on our life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#society #progress #years #people #effects #life
During the
last
 century the way we live changed a lot,
this
 is partially
due to
 all the new inventions and discoverings.
However
, it is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 thought that not every progress made has actually
improven
Correct your spelling
improved
improve
improves
 our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
life
,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 some
devolpment
Correct your spelling
development
 even made things worse. I am a firm supporter of change and I actually believe that going forward in time we as humans tend to make the world
a
Change the article
an
show examples
overall
 better place,
for example
,
elevating
Change preposition
by elevating
show examples
life
standars
Correct your spelling
standards
 or finding new energy sources . For first I guess it is impossible not to see a bright side in how
life
 conditions saw a sudden improvement
throughtout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
last
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
, even countries that before were far beyond
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
development somehow managed to get better
due to
 all the new possibilities given by technology. Specifically, Africa, thanks to an
overall
 evolution of medicine, was able to dramatically reduce its
deaths
Change the noun form
death
show examples
 rate and
consequencially
Correct your spelling
consequentially
 elevate its
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
life
expections
Correct your spelling
expectations
.
Secondly
,
also
 the planet benefitted from the latest
scientical
Correct your spelling
scientific
scientifical
 findings,
such
 as
renowable
Correct your spelling
renewable
 energy, that made it possible to decrease pollution levels and make the planet greener.
Eventhought
Correct your spelling
Even though
,
some
Correct word choice
though some
show examples
 of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 new ways to produce energy resulted in
catastrofic
Correct your spelling
catastrophic
 events, like what happened with nuclear power, it is possible to state that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 are way above
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I think that mankind, learning
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 its errors, is able to evolve and thanks to the
colloboration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 of the brightest minds not only
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
survive but
also
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
find ways to fully
maximazime
Correct your spelling
maximize
 the potential of what we have.
Submitted by cattariky02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: