Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #happiness

Some

individuals

believe that fund is one of the most important factors for achieving

happiness

Firstly

this

essay will discuss the importance of

money

and

secondly

discuss other factors which

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

help to achieve

happiness

. On the one hand, it is true that cash is a vital source for achieving

happiness

. If

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

have enough

money

they are able to do what they want.

Clear

Correct article usage

The clear

show examples

vision is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

by helping

money

people

can travel

through out

Correct your spelling

throughout

show examples

the world and purchase everything.

However

money

can be a pill for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ill

individuals

For example

, recently from Tv program called "Helping

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

people

" posted that 23.7% of

people

receivemoney

Correct your spelling

receive money

for treatment from the government and it was a reason to be happy.

On the other hand

, there a lot of sources which is makes

individuals

happy.

Money

does not mean

happiness

. From the statistics , some of the wealthy

individuals

inform that there unhappy because of many reasons

however

the poor

people

inform that there happy. Because the poor

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

not

Correct your spelling

show examples

problems in their family.

For instance

people

who

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

financial difficulties

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

enough time for spending with their family

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

means that there able to control their children.

Meanwhile

Add a comma

,Meanwhile

show examples

as wealthy

people

have a lot of

job

Change to a plural noun

jobs

show examples

they can not

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

together with

their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

which is why they are unhappy. Taking everything into consideration,

money

is not the key to

happiness

Happiness

is to be healthy and

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

time with the family.

Submitted by ina1_95 on Wed Feb 15 2023

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Your opinion

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Subjects like art, music, and drama are more important than other subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the actions of individuals can’t make a difference in protecting the environment. Others think that individuals can protect their environment. Discuss both view and state your opinion

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community?

Some people think that having more money can make them happier. How important do you think money is?