IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most country are compared by their economic success. Do you think there are some other important factors that need to be taken into consideration? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

#country #success #factors #consideration
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Economic outgrowth is considered
as
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a
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the corner
a corner
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corner stone
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cornerstone
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 to
assess
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assessing
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 success in the contemporary world.
However
, there are other imperative factors that
needs
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need
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 to be considered
while
 comparing countries. In the following paragraph, we delve into those factors. Primarily,
success
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the success
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 of a nation should be compared
on
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to
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stance
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the stance
a stance
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of
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apply
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the
health
 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 citizens. A country with higher
health
equity
 and quality of life must be a prime factor for comparison.
Health
equity
 and quality of life are in inextricable interaction with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth, as
higher
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the higher
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 the
health
equity
 and
qualiity
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quality
 of life lower
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the mortality
rate
 and
out of pocket
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out-of-pocket
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 expenditure on
health
.
For instance
,
a
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apply
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recent research conducted in
United
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the United
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 States compared the
health
equity
 of citizens with that of Canada and determined that people in Canada are happier than in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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.
Further
, institutions should be compared on grounds of the literacy
rate
 of the residents.
Higher
Correct article usage
The higher
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 the literacy
rate
,
higher
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the higher
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the chances of employment and financial stability.
For example
, even though Kerala is not the highest GDP state in India, it has a literacy
rate
 of 99.6% making it the happiest and most liveable state in India.
Secondly
,
comparison
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the comparison
a comparison
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 should be made on the basis of crime
rate
 and illegal drug usage. Burgeoning crime
rate
 and drug use
destroys
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destroy
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 the reputation of the nation globally.
For instance
,
although
,
US
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the US
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 has higher GDP than Switzerland and Norway, people prefer to reside in the latter than the former
due to
 higher crime
rate
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rates
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 and drug use. To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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nutshell
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a nutshell
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, I pen down saying that countries should be compared on a multitude of factors other than
philanthropic
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the philanthropic
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 gain to make it more hospitable for
emerging
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the emerging
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generation
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generations
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.
Submitted by dtifaniya on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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