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Band 5

The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#population #business #economy #society
The phenomenon of the affection
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the community from a continuing increased average age of the local
people
 has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as
people
's views on
this
 issue in question may be, I personally believe that more elderly would bring us more disadvantages to the economy and
society
. Regarding the benefit of
Add an article
an aging
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population, a noticeable advantage is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
 have more experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 business in order to support
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to make the right
commerical
Correct your spelling
commercial
 decision.
For instance
, many successful
people
 in the business field are
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
people
such
 as Bill
Gate
Fix the agreement mistake
Gates
show examples
 who creates
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the biggest
technological
Replace the word
technology
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company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 in the world.
Therefore
, a stable and continuous developmental
society
 can be predicted.
On the other hand
, I believe that more elderly will bring
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more negative impacts on
financial
Correct pronoun usage
our financial
show examples
 outlook
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several reasons. Probably the most significant drawbacks are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 willing to
spending
Replace the word
spend
show examples
 and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of labour force. To illustrate, the spending desire will be decreased as
people
 become older and older. Entertainment and luxury companies cannot survive which in turn decrease the
attractive
Replace the word
attractiveness
show examples
 of
society
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigner cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oversea income is dropped.
Also
, without labour
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
,
people
 cannot
Add a missing verb
be self-sufficiency
show examples
self-sufficiency
Replace the word
self-sufficient
show examples
. Our government can only purchase
crop
Fix the agreement mistake
crops
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 from other countries.
Consequently
, the profit falls and expenses rise. Under
this
 line of thinking,
althougt
Correct your spelling
although
 the wisdom from
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 would help our economy grow, the negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 is
also
 irreversible. So, I believe that government should alleviate the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population.
Submitted by frankyimp on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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