Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. What opinion do you agree and why?

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There is no denying the fact that the main
role
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of females is debatable.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that a female should raise her
kids
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and
teaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
teach

It seems that the verb teaches does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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them
life
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manners.
However
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, some people argue that women must have their own rights and
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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must take their opportunities in the job the same as men do. I strongly believe that women must look after their own offspring and help them to grow in a healthy environment. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view and show why I believe
this
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.
To begin
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with, females must stay at home and monitor their
child
Change noun form
children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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education and behaviours in order to grow them up in a good environment. To illustrate,
kids
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are born in
this
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life
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and
request
Verb problem
require

There may be a verb use issue here.

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extensive care, the
mother
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is the only person who is responsible
to raise
Change preposition
for raising

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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and
look
Wrong verb form
looking

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb look. Consider changing it.

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after them.
However
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, if she is busy with her work who is going to raise her
children
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?
Thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
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makes it clear that a
women's
Fix the agreement mistake
woman's

It seems that women may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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main
role
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in the world is raising
kids
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and she must be free to address her
life
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role
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

effectively.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, mothers should be free to raise their
kids
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and maintain their mental health stable.
For instance
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, a prestigious journal article published that 50% of youth who are grown by a busy working
mother
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had
Wrong verb form
have

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb had. Consider changing it.

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been affected by depression. Clearly,
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need to speak with their moms and complain to them about their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings

It seems that feeling may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if the
mother
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is stressed out with her work, she will be tired and will not listen to their issues. Indeed, it becomes apparent that a female must perform her own
role
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at home which is looking at her
children
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and raising them . In conclusion, in my opinion, I consider that a mom spending her time looking at her
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is better than working and leaving the responsibility of the
kids
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

requires more attention from society.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
mother
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

must address her kid's
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and monitor them regularly to make sure about their
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and health.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting the opinion that women's main role is to raise children, but it lacks a balanced discussion of the opposing view. Consider acknowledging the opposing view and providing a rebuttal to strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear. Ensure that each paragraph has a logical progression and that ideas are organized coherently. Additionally, use transition words to connect ideas more effectively. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the main points more thoroughly.
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