IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

When designing building, the intended use of the building should be taken in into account as important rather than the outward appearance? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#account #appearance
The celebrities
Correct article usage
Celebrities
show examples
 are surrounded by the world of beauty and wealth, and the same is
reflect
Wrong verb form
reflected
show examples
over
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their social media accounts.
This
 artificial reflection over the
achievements
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a negative impact on the
youth
.
This
 essay is in agreement that the materialistic glorification of celebrities
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a bad impact on
youth
.
Firstly
, it is very much human to get attracted by the charm associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrity status.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media plays a vital role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 spreading
such
 news which tends to attract
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
. The impact is quite evident across the young generation getting easily inclined towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beauty and monetary stature. Most of them easily
neglects
Change the verb form
neglect
show examples
 the hardships,
hustle
Correct word choice
and hustle
show examples
 the celebrity
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 gone through in the past, rather they try to achieve the status by adopting unethical ways.
This
 disturbs the elementary approach towards leading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
On the other hand
, the
youth
 should be responsible enough to understand the difference between temporary
achievements
 and actual
achievements
 and choose their Idols
accordingly
. They should look up to the real
heros
Correct your spelling
heroes
 who have done great things for the nation in past and have paved a path to real success for the future generation. The young generation should seek inspiration from
such
 role models and should stay motivated to do good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, the
youth
 should be smart enough to choose their role models on the basis of
achievements
 rather than the assets and popularity they have. They should focus on the struggles the person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 gone through to achieve
this
 level.
Submitted by jvn.malik1988 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intended use
  • functionality
  • efficiency
  • occupants
  • outward appearance
  • subjective
  • aesthetic appeal
  • well-designed
  • balancing
  • successful design
What to do next:
Look at other essays: