IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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Nowadays, developments in health
care
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
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 becoming more advanced and reliable.
While
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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 advancements are on
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 way
for
Change preposition
to
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 evolution, the number of
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 has to take
care
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 increasing. Some
people
Use synonyms
 give the opinion that
society
Use synonyms
 has a big part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 when the time comes that they cannot do their activities of daily living independently. On one hand, the majority can cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the continuous inclination of elders as years go by, in a way that more resources of help and support can be found with other
people
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as well as
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 from technology.
For example
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, research articles and journals can be easily found
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet, accessible communication to health
care
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 providers where they can just book an online consultation in the comforts of their home rather than queuing
on
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in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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line all day long and videos, testimonies and testimonies from experienced caregivers are can
also
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 be found on various social media platforms. All of these can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 to make fine adjustments in helping older
people
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for
Change preposition
with
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 their needs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government can give their support by means of pensions and charities and donations.
For example
Linking Words
, in most countries,
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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 their retirement age can start to receive their monthly allowance
that is
Linking Words
 based on their contributions from the time that they are still working. The Government and its officials show empathy to older
people
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 by giving a charitable sum of money to non-government organizations, programs and campaigns and if it is not money, they provide a
month
Change noun form
month's
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 worth of groceries, medicines and other necessities
such
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 as toiletries, sanitary wipes and pads and so much more. Through these various ways, the
people
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whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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taking
Wrong verb form
take
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care
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the elders will not feel alone and abandoned. Though it can be physically tiring,
but
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apply
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what matters the most is that they get enough different reinforcement
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that, they can continue to help prolong life, ease the pain and enjoy the remaining days of the
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are various ways to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the older generation.
Through
Change preposition
That
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, even though
elder
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s population may continue to grow, might as well the support and resources will persist that can suffice both needs of the one
whose
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
giving and receiving
care
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kmaegalilee on

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Your opinion

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