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Writing Samples
Band 5

Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.

#computer #games #waste #time #children
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With the advent of technology, we can see that there is a giant leap in the development of
computer
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games
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.
Computer
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games
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 are advertised today in
such
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 a way that even adults would buy them.
Therefore
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, it is very critical to consider, whether these
games
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 are a
waste
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 of
time
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 or not for
children
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. From my perspective, I agree with the statement that
computer
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games
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 in fact a
waste
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 of
time
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 among
children
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 mainly for two reasons, which I will explain in the following essay.
Firstly
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, the rapid development of
computer
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games
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have
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has
show examples
 been notable in the
economny
Correct your spelling
economy
.
Children
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 playing these
games
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 will make them more
addictive
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addicted
show examples
 to these
games
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 and
also
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 curse one another. Most of these
games
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 come with an inbuilt voice chat which
allow
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allows
show examples
 players to talk with each other.
For example
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, a friend of mine joined college the same year as me. From the
begining
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beginning
 of
college
Add a comma
,college
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 he was involved in
computer
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games
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, which made him fall back on his course
a
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for a
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couple of years.
In addition
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 to the game being addictive, he
also
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 started cursing out loud whenever he lost a game.
Children
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 at a very young age should
spent
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spend
show examples
time
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 reading books and gaining knowledge,
instead
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 of flushing down their lives playing these
computer
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games
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.
Secondly
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, the amount of hours spent playing these
games
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 is long that
children
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loose
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lose
show examples
 track of
time
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. Recently,
few
Correct article usage
a few
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facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
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 users have started sharing live videos of them gaming online for almost 6 straight hours.
Such
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 immersive attention to these
games
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 for long hours can cause detrimental effects
to
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on
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 vision as well
Correct word choice
as to
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to
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as
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 the body.
This
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 in turn
cause
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causes
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 obesity which brings along other types of health diseases.
Thirdly
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, there are
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 online
games
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 which
promises
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promise
show examples
 you that you will get money if you become a premium member. Not only
Linking Words
this
Add a missing verb
is this
show examples
 a big
waste
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 of
time
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 very dangerous as game developers can access
the
Correct article usage
apply
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credit card
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
 for their
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
. In conclusion, reflecting on the issue
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
children
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 should be allowed to these
games
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 or not, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
toatal
Correct your spelling
total
waste
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 of
time
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.
Submitted by jestinjohnson.09 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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