IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that newspapers are the best media to learn and get information from, while others believe that the Internet is a better source. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Few individuals believe that newspapers are a great source of learning.
However
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, some others claim that the
internet
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 is a great innovation
of gather
Change preposition
for gathering
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 information. In my own point of view, The latter reason is more reliable.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on both notions with a logical Conclusion. There is a myriad of reasons which will
further
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 explain
this
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 argument but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that reading newspapers
have
Change the verb form
has
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 its own benefits.
firstly
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,
people
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updated
Wrong verb form
update
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 daily.
Secondly
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, they get a lot of knowledge
as well as
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 increase their reading speed and skills. Another pivotal aspect of
this
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 is that it is available at a cheap rate
along with
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 waste papers used in other work
such
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 as wraps something.
For example
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, Newspapers are effective for those students who learn an International language. With the help ,periodical they improve vocabulary, and pronunciation skills
along with
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 gathering ideas.
Thus
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, reading magazines is important for academic studies. In another school of thought, the
Internet
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 plays a vital role in human life because ,In recent days,
people
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 read the news on the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 which is more convenient and easier. Through
this
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people
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 updated every hour.
In other words
Linking Words
, they carry mobile phones with them and check the latest updates in any part of the world. To quote an example,
People
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 think
this
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 innovation is more interesting because they watch videos and hear sounds without any effort.
As a result
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, the
Internet
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 is more accessible for learning information. In conclusion,
although
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,
Internet
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 technology
has
Verb problem
is
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 more beneficial, we cannot ignore newspaper readings because it is important in learning skills and facts.

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Task Achievement
The response addresses the task to some extent but does not fully develop the arguments or opinions effectively. More supporting details and explanations are needed to fully respond to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is some attempt to organize ideas, but the coherence and cohesion could be improved. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion and the connection between ideas is not always clear. Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and structure of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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