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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the life pattern of honeybees. It depicts how these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of bees grow from merely an
egg
Use synonyms
 to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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fully-functional honeybees.
Overall
Linking Words
, honeybees’ lifecycle is consisting of six stages. It
take
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takes
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 34-36
days
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 for them to become
an
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apply
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adult
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bee
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. Their life begins with laying an
egg
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 or two and ends up meeting another
adult
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 to help them lay an
egg
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 again.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the cycle continues.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, female honeybees lay an
egg
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 or two every three
days
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. The
adult
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bee
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 may incubate the
egg
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 until it hatches after a week or up to 10
days
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. Five
days
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 later, their offspring will have its first encounter with the world by going out of its shell. It will
then
Linking Words
 grow twice as much as its size from its newborn state and after nine
days
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, it will grow nine times more. By
this
Linking Words
 stage, they are now called the “nymph moults”
Second
Correct article usage
The second
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 to the
last
Linking Words
 stage is when the young
adult
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bee
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 merges with another
bee
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with
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of
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 the age as it is. For them to become mature and an official
full grown
Add a hyphen
full-grown
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adult
Use synonyms
 honey
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bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
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, it will take them
for
Change preposition
apply
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four
days
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 to reach that state and so, the cycle repeats.
Submitted by kmaegalilee on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words egg, days, adult, bee with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life cycle
  • laying of eggs
  • queen bee
  • hatch into larvae
  • rapid growth
  • develop into pupae
  • significant transformation
  • emergence of the adult bee
  • matures fully
  • cyclical nature
  • colony’s survival
  • reproduction process
  • subsequent generations
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