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Band 5.5

Some jobs are based at a single work place where the hours are the same each day, while other jobs involve frequent travel and irregular working hours. Discuss the advantages of both types of job and give your own opinion about which one is best.

#jobs #work #place #hours #travel #job
Typically
there're
Correct your spelling
there are
show examples
 two types of work.
One
 needs
people
 to stay in the
office
 in a fixed time range, another
one
 involves frequent business
travel
 with flexible time.
This
 essay will break down the pros and cons of these two types of
jobs
 and offer
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some of my own thoughts on
this
 topic. It's undeniable that
jobs
 that need travelling are more appealing. For
one
 thing, compared with
jobs
 in the
office
,
people
 can grow up more quickly.
In other words
, when taking business
travel
,
people
 have more challenges.
For instance
, visiting tough customers, taking trains very early, etc. They need to practice skills which can't be
masted
Verb problem
mastered
show examples
 in the
office
. For another thing,
people
 can visit different places when travelling.
For example
, when I worked at my former company, I had the chance to
travel
 to Mexico. After working in Mexico for about
one
 month, before I returned to China, I visited Peru with my colleagues. That's a memorable experience. If I
didn't
Verb problem
hadn't
show examples
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 that job, I would never have had the chance to
travel
 to South America. Admittedly,
jobs
 involving frequent
travel
 are not friendly for mothers who need to take care of little babies, especially when the babies are less than three years old and when they have high demands for mothers' accompany.
While even
Correct word choice
Even
show examples
 for moms who are not fit to
travel
, working in the
office
 in a fixed time range is not a good choice.
To sum up
, in spite of some minor weaknesses, flexible
jobs
 involving travelling have more benefits for most
people
.
Submitted by gongrongrong on

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task response
The essay effectively discusses both types of jobs and offers a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion, but some areas may benefit from clearer organization and development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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