IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. Why do you think this is, and how can they be encouraged to study? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #school #attitudes #study
It is a common case that lots of young
people
 hang out with their old pals or classmates outside and do other intriguing things rather than learn something after leaving
school
, which leads to influence their personal development and career path in the future. Generally speaking,
this
 phenomenon can be put down to two major factors. For one thing, they are exhausted in
school
 because of a large number of assignments regarding a series of disciplines. Specifically, young
people
 are looking forward to finding
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to release their pressure after leaving
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
.
For instance
, some students adore singing songs
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the KTV or playing computer games with their friends, which is a method to chill out for them. For another thing,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the majority of students, are not fascinated with studying.
Additionally
, studying is a burden for them and they could not find any interest in the complex concepts and theories taught by teachers. Even sometimes a small proportion of students are likely to resent to go to
school
 for studying to
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 themself. Despite that, there are several ways to facilitate young
people
 to learn.
To begin
 with, it is necessary for their
parents
 to cultivate their awareness of studying. As an illustration, a Schedule made by young
people
 and their
parents
 is a good idea, which can balance the time for playing and studying. Meanwhile,
parents
 can oversee their kids to
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
this
 timetable and young
people
 are probably less stressed. On top of that, the mass media can disseminate more information and knowledge to the social media platforms,
such
 as Tiktok, Wechat, and so on.
This
 is
due to
 the fact internet and software are the mainstream chic in
this
 era and society and folks often utilize them to access information and enlarge their scope of knowledge regarding all kinds of fields, especially for teenagers and young adults. As indicated above, young
people
 who feel tired and they don't like studying are responsible for
this
 issue.
Parents
, young
people
 and mass media need to make considerable efforts together to let young
people
immersed
Wrong verb form
immerse
show examples
 themselves in studying.
Submitted by 1226705378 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: