In some countries, parents want their children to focus on their studies only. Because of this, many young people do not get their first job until after college. In other countries, many children get their first part-time job while still in high school. Which approach do you think is better? Why?

#countries #parents #children #focus #studies #people #first #job #college #school #approach

It is commonly believed that families support their kids to study only,

thus

most of those children do not get their first

job

until they get graduated from university.

On the other hand

, in other

Correct your spelling

countries

contries

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,contries

show examples

many teenagers get to work during high school. I believe having

job

Correct article usage

a job

show examples

earlier would give make children

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

Add an article

a more

show examples

responsible

character

Fix the agreement mistake

characters

show examples

in society,

benifeting

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benefiting

benefitting

himself

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

and

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

family in

short

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the short

show examples

and long term. Part-time jobs will increase the weight of choices students make in their life path. A perfect example in our lifetime is Elon Musk, he was

entrepreneur

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an entrepreneur

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even before graduating from

collage

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college

show examples

. Experience in

buisness

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business

and

job

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the job

show examples

market makes students better pickers in university education and

afterward

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afterwards

show examples

Moreover

, these years of

undergraduaion

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undergraduate

will be less

brdened

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burdened

burden

parents

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parents'

parent's

show examples

shoulders. Some may argue that focusing on studies and investing more time in it would make kids more successful during their educational pathway.

However

, I completely disagree with that, because I believe longer

eperience

Correct your spelling

experience

is more salient than high marks in the eye of employers.

For instance

, recently many of the

gient

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giant

technology companies removed

collage

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college

show examples

certifecate

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certificate

from

job

offer`s

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offer

show examples

requirnments

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requirements

favor

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favour

show examples

more years of experience in the sector. In conclusion, each parent wants to see his child in the best

postion

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position

possible in the future. By letting kids faster into

job

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the job

show examples

market and getting more experience, today`s children will be

the

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apply

show examples

tomorrow`s responsible men and women. Without undermining academic

results

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results'

result's

show examples

importance, more and more

cooporations

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corporations

cooperations

nowadays only focus on the employee`s years in

job

Add an article

the job

show examples

market.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, parents want their children to focus on their studies only. Because of this, many young people do not get their first job until after college. In other countries, many children get their first part-time job while still in high school. Which approach do you think is better? Why?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them? What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

some people think we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom. others believe that online learning is more effective