In some countries, parents want their children to focus on their studies only. Because of this, many young people do not get their first job until after college. In other countries, many children get their first part-time job while still in high school. Which approach do you think is better? Why?

#countries #parents #children #focus #studies #people #first #job #college #school #approach

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It is commonly believed that families support their kids to study only,

thus

Linking Words

most of those children do not get their first

job

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until they get graduated from university.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, in other

Correct your spelling

countries

contries

Add a comma

,contries

show examples

many teenagers get to work during high school. I believe having

Use synonyms

job

Correct article usage

a job

show examples

earlier would give make children

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

Add an article

a more

show examples

responsible

character

Fix the agreement mistake

characters

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in society,

benifeting

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benefiting

benefitting

himself

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

and

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

family in

short

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the short

show examples

and long term. Part-time jobs will increase the weight of choices students make in their life path. A perfect example in our lifetime is Elon Musk, he was

entrepreneur

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an entrepreneur

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even before graduating from

collage

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college

show examples

. Experience in

buisness

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business

and

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job

Correct article usage

the job

show examples

market makes students better pickers in university education and

afterward

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afterwards

show examples

Moreover

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, these years of

undergraduaion

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undergraduate

will be less

brdened

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burdened

burden

parents

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parents'

parent's

show examples

shoulders. Some may argue that focusing on studies and investing more time in it would make kids more successful during their educational pathway.

However

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, I completely disagree with that, because I believe longer

eperience

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experience

is more salient than high marks in the eye of employers.

For instance

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, recently many of the

gient

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giant

technology companies removed

collage

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college

show examples

certifecate

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certificate

from

job

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offer`s

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offer

show examples

requirnments

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requirements

favor

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favour

show examples

more years of experience in the sector. In conclusion, each parent wants to see his child in the best

postion

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position

possible in the future. By letting kids faster into

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job

Add an article

the job

show examples

market and getting more experience, today`s children will be

the

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apply

show examples

tomorrow`s responsible men and women. Without undermining academic

results

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results'

result's

show examples

importance, more and more

cooporations

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corporations

cooperations

nowadays only focus on the employee`s years in

Use synonyms

job

Add an article

the job

show examples

market.

Submitted by awab9010 on Thu Feb 16 2023

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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In some countries, parents want their children to focus on their studies only. Because of this, many young people do not get their first job until after college. In other countries, many children get their first part-time job while still in high school. Which approach do you think is better? Why?

Fully explain your ideas

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that living in a country is essential to learn that country’s language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that advertisinzg is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.