IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
Linking Words
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the effective way to gain public
health
Use synonyms
 is by developing more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others believe it will give
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 other solutions.
Although
Linking Words
 building more public
health
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 will be beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
, I believe it will be better to educate
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
 that
further
Linking Words
 will be discussed in the following essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 could
use
Use synonyms
 public
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 for free
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the gym
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more money. A
government
Use synonyms
 has an obligation to keep public
health
Use synonyms
 by constructing
sports
Use synonyms
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 could
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 facilitation together without considering
to pay
Change the verb form
paying
show examples
 for
equipment
Correct article usage
the equipment
show examples
 they
use
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they could
jogging
Change the verb form
jog
be jogging
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the jogging track or
dancing
Change the verb form
dance
be dancing
show examples
 in a large group every weekend.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 help
people
Use synonyms
 to save their money and gain
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, I think the
Government
Use synonyms
 should prioritize
to educate
Change the verb form
educating
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 before
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 public
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
become
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 maintaining
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. I believe not all
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 the
facilities
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 the
Government
Use synonyms
 have to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 more budget on maintenance.
For example
Linking Words
, month after month there will be a lot of equipment that damaging by irresponsible
people
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
use
Add a missing verb
do use
show examples
 it not in the right way and in some cases they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 try to repair the equipment. The
government
Use synonyms
 should take
another measurements
Replace the adjective
another measurement
other measurements
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
people
Use synonyms
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to improve their
health
Use synonyms
 without
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 public
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 could spend less money when they
use
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educating them
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to gain their
health
Use synonyms
 without using public
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
, it is more beneficial than
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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