IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people think that people can be encouraged to take up sport through sporting events such as Olympics. However, others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #events #olympics #adults #exercise
Some
people
 have been encouraged to take up sporting events
such
 as OlympicsOlympics.
whereas
 some think that it is better to encourage adults to
exercise
. we will be discussing them below.
To begin
 with, For the
Olympics
, the young
people
 face lots of challenges in it as they have to sacrifice most of their time in practising the same sport giving less priority towards their studies & career and mastering the sport skill.
Furthermore
, encouraging folks to
also
 be
Olympics
 would be a hectic task where they have to maintain themselves physically, and mentally fit and they have lots of completion in the
Olympics
 as
people
 from different countries take part.
This
 is why encouraging
people
 to take
exercise
 would be a better option, rather than, encouraging them for the
Olympics
. On another side,
Exercise
 would be the better option for youngsters and adults.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 by doing
exercise
 they can maintain their weight and fitness.
Moreover
, sports
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 the support of someone to play with them
whereas
, in , the gym they can do the
exercise
 themselves by having a good trainer explain the correct way of doing an
exercise
. By doing
exercise
 they can make time for studies and careers simultaneously. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel that
exercise
 would be a better option for youngsters and adults compared to encouraging folk to be a part of the
Olympics
. because they do not have to sacrifice their whole time insisting
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the same sport and have the freedom to choose whichever they want.
Submitted by leonardo99franklin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!