IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that people can be encouraged to take up sport through sporting events such as Olympics. However, others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 have been encouraged to take up sporting events
such
Linking Words
 as OlympicsOlympics.
whereas
Linking Words
 some think that it is better to encourage adults to
exercise
Use synonyms
. we will be discussing them below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, For the
Olympics
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, the young
people
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 face lots of challenges in it as they have to sacrifice most of their time in practising the same sport giving less priority towards their studies & career and mastering the sport skill.
Furthermore
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, encouraging folks to
also
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 be
Olympics
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 would be a hectic task where they have to maintain themselves physically, and mentally fit and they have lots of completion in the
Olympics
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 as
people
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 from different countries take part.
This
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 is why encouraging
people
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 to take
exercise
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 would be a better option, rather than, encouraging them for the
Olympics
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. On another side,
Exercise
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 would be the better option for youngsters and adults.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 by doing
exercise
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 they can maintain their weight and fitness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sports
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 the support of someone to play with them
whereas
Linking Words
, in , the gym they can do the
exercise
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 themselves by having a good trainer explain the correct way of doing an
exercise
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. By doing
exercise
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 they can make time for studies and careers simultaneously. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel that
exercise
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 would be a better option for youngsters and adults compared to encouraging folk to be a part of the
Olympics
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. because they do not have to sacrifice their whole time insisting
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the same sport and have the freedom to choose whichever they want.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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