IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that childhood is the best stage of happiness . While others believe that a person can enjoy more happiness in other stages of life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #childhood #stage #happiness #person #stages #life
Few individuals consider babyhood the greatest
time
 of joy.
While
 others think that a person can live their
life
 joyfully at the other
stages
. In my opinion, I believe that early
time
 is amazing as it was a peaceful stage without any tension. On the one hand, there are people who opine that the early years are dazzling as at that stage children are only concerned
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
about their studies and enjoyment.
According to
 them, children are free of any sort of burden.
For instance
, in babyhood children simply go to school and do some homework,
while
 all the other
time
 playing either with friends or watching cartoons on television because they do not have any kind of responsibility. I agree with
this
 statement as childhood is a stunning stage.
On the other hand
, there are others who say that individuals spend their best
time
 at the other
stages
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
According to
 them, people feel satisfaction at the level of maturity. they
also
 believe that at other
stages
 whenever they go to different places they can understand the environment and feel it which makes their
life
 beautiful. It is commonly believed that at the other
stages
, they can earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money because of which they can fulfil every dream of
life
 which can not be possible in childhood. In conclusion, despite the people have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different view, I believe that the early years of
life
 is best when compared to other
stages
 of
life
 as the early
stages
 do not have any responsibility
Submitted by Amtul on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Improve task response by addressing both views in more depth.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by including linking words to better connect ideas and maintaining a clear logical structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: