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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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Nowadays overweight is the most frequent problem seen among humans in different age groups.
Hence
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 there is a significant raise in overweight
people
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 which
further
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 imposes stress on medical authorises to work on the health
issues
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 developed
as a result
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 of
weight
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gain
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. Many
people
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 believe that
this
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 problem can be reduced by introducing physical
education
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 classes in schools.I agree that
exercise
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 in the school curriculum is one of the effective methods to minimize overweight
however
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, it is not only a problem among
children
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 but it is even much more common among
adults
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. In the essay, I will discuss the importance of physical activities among
adults
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along with
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children
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.
Firstly
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, initiating
exercise
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 and sports classes in
education
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 centres is a good choice since it helps
children
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 to be active and keeps them away from a sedentary lifestyle.These days most schools
as well as
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 parents concentrate on academic subjects as they play a crucial role in a child's future.
Due to
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this
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, kids habituate to
sit
Wrong verb form
sitting
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 for long hours.There are few or zero physical
education
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 lessons conducted in schools.
Thus
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this
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 makes kids inactive and leads to
weight
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gain
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issues
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.
Therefore
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, introducing sports classes in knowledge centres is the best way to prevent overweight
issues
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 in future generations.
On the other hand
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,
exercise
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 for elders is
also
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 equally important as
weight
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gain
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issues
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 are much more familiar in
adults
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 especially women and old age
people
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 compared to
children
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.Obesity is the most common health issue among elder persons as few women
gain
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weight
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 during pregnancy and it is
also
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 seen in retired
people
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 as they stay at home most of the time.So, it is crucial to raise awareness among
adults
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 on the importance of
exercise
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 and a few outdoor activities which
as a result
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 help them to balance
weight
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 and maintain a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, in the essay, I argued physical
education
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 lessons and their awareness have to be spread among both
children
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 and elder
people
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 in order to overcome health
issues
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 regarding
weight
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gain
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.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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