Some people think that success is the best measure for inteligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

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Many
people
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have a strong desire for
success
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in
life
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. They work hard to accomplish their goals to have a satisfactory
life
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.
While
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success
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is often determined by the level of
intelligence
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of individuals, I believe that there are other important factors to contribute to
success
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. On one hand, it is undeniable that
intelligence
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is the most reliable measure of one's
success
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.
For example
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, possessing sophisticated academic knowledge enables
people
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to go to competitive elite schools. Because the schools are greatly admired by many
people
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for their intensive education, those who can enter the schools can earn high status.
In addition
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, those who graduate from elite universities
such
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as Havard and MIT are more likely to become doctors and lawyers, whose salaries are usually higher than other occupations.
As a result
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, they are able to have a more comfortable and luxurious
life
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in the future.
On the other hand
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, in spite of
intelligence
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being a primary key to leading a successful
life
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, it sometimes has a negative consequence, which makes other factors more significant. In fact, diligent persons who concentrate
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on increasing
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knowledge often suffer from mental stress
due to
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overwhelming tasks and a lack of social activities.
In contrast
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, those who have a regular habit of exercise are more likely to achieve physical and psychological well-being, which is crucial for happiness in every aspect of
life
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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allows
people
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to participate in various adventurous activities including travelling, skydiving and camping, through which they have more diverse experiences and encounter different
people
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around the world. In conclusion,
intelligence
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is often used as a primary measurement to evaluate the level of individual
success
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.
However
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, nothing can be more fundamental than one's good physical and psychological conditions to have a successful
life
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.
Submitted by mizuho_kondo117 on

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task response
The essay adequately responds to the task, providing a balanced assessment of the relationship between success and intelligence. It effectively addresses both viewpoints and offers support for the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined and distinct. Additionally, the linking devices between paragraphs need improvement for smoother transitions and coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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