IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What the possible causes of this trend, and what solutions would be effective reducing crime?

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently
tends to
Verb problem
,
show examples
 juvenile
crime
Use synonyms
 increasing in
common
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
countries around the world. The causes of
this
Linking Words
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be insufficient income and related with a low ability to control the emotional situation, in order to fix
this
Linking Words
 matter in question we need to focus on the support of the two causes mentioned above.
First,
Linking Words
the main factor of most
crime
Use synonyms
 tends to attach to money. Possibly, the youth’s inadequate financial state and effortless circumstances lead to motivation for that uncomplicated method of
gain
Replace the word
gaining
show examples
 money. Definitely, the major sample of
this
Linking Words
 case is a theft
crime
Use synonyms
. Another major contributing factor is the emotional reaction’s resulting action. Mostly, adolescence is an unstable period of mental and emotional,
thus
Linking Words
 it might be a driving reason of to do a
crime
Use synonyms
. Turning to possible solutions, probably government focus
to punish
Change preposition
on punishing
show examples
 parents of teenagers who commit burglary teens. To improve their discipline cooperating with parents would reduce theft
crime
Use synonyms
 cases among young people. A second solution would be to work with teachers,
such
Linking Words
 as designing policies that encourage teacher awareness and training in emotional competence programs. In conclusion, possibly, financial inequitable statements and less knowledge about emotional intelligence are reasons for young people’s crimes. Collaborating with parents and teachers may lead to good results
of lessen
Change preposition
in lessening
show examples
 the count of
this
Linking Words
 type of
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: