IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

#schools #food #drinks #students #lunch #breaks #development
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These days, numerous schools
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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profit found for
sale
Correct article usage
the sale
show examples
 of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 with sugar, that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not healthy,
aiming
Wrong verb form
aimed
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to
Change preposition
at
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who have breaks during lunch.
This
Linking Words
 case is actually twofold: positiveness and negativeness. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, there are both sides of
description
Correct article usage
the description
show examples
 in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
increasing
schools
Correct quantifier usage
number of schools
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 are selling a large number of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and gain profits
simultaenously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
.
For instance
Linking Words
, as parents have seen, there are massive fried chicken, hamburgers and soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 bought by young
students
Use synonyms
, who are still
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
standing
 and having
lunch
Add an article
a lunch
show examples
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
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 at
school
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
welcome
Correct article usage
the welcome
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
, all those
junk
Use synonyms
 foods have been sold out every day.
Aparently
Correct your spelling
Apparently
,
this
Linking Words
 business is quite profitable to schools, no matter where they
locates
Change the verb form
locate
show examples
 as long as they continue for sale.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
along with
Linking Words
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
increasing health problems, more and more
students
Use synonyms
 have to stop their curriculum
due to
Linking Words
 severe illness caused by
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, over-eating many
junk
Use synonyms
 foods lead to a series of
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
,
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure, heart attack, lower eye vision ,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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obesity, etc.
In particular
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,
Linking Words
thus
Correct your spelling
this
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 situation
have
Change the verb form
has
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 paid high attention to doctors, scientists and socialists. They would connect and launch an activity to discourage unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible to reduce the harm to
school
Use synonyms
 girls and boys.
However
Linking Words
, the huge
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 attraction and high profits are resisting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainable development
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 lunch quality, even
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 industry. It is difficult to push forward to develop healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 if there is no good solution for it. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long-term development of student health, I believe that the authorities have to
realease
Correct your spelling
release
 a set of policy and solution to encourage more diet providers and
food
Use synonyms
manuracturers
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
 to produce suitable
food
Use synonyms
 and drink for growing
students
Use synonyms
 to ensure their health during studying.
Hence
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 could concentrate and contribute their hard work to serve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society well in the long run.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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