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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #homes #areas #study #work #cities #development
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It is true to say that more young adults tend to pursue their studies and work in urban areas.
While
 there are several reasons why they prefer to live in the cities, I believe the benefits are far beyond setbacks. On the one hand, there are several factors why young people chose to live in more developed countries.
Firstly
, it is obvious to say that opportunity in the city far outweighs in the rural places.
For example
, companies in developed countries are demanding to recruit talent and they are more than willing to offer higher salaries to potential candidates.
Besides
, by
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 habitant in another country is a great way to prove
yourself
Change preposition
to yourself
show examples
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 you are capable to handle unexcepted situations spontaneously. Not only you will learn how to be independent, but
also
 you are able to broaden your horizons.
On the other hand
, I believe there are a number of advantages that adventurers could get if they chose to live in another country. The living cost in the city is notoriously higher than
outskirts
Correct article usage
the outskirts
show examples
, but it
also
 means that the compensation can be higher as well. Some companies,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide incentives and allowances for their employee throughout the year.
Furthermore
, interpersonal skills can be acquired when they approach new people at different events.
Although
 they could encounter bad influencers sometimes, it could be a positive development if they know the right things to do. In conclusion, it can be
therefore
 argued that choosing to live in another country has brought to us a number of advantages,
whereas
, not everyone can afford to step out of their
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 zone. It needs courage and financial support.
Submitted by yijiaa98 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
What to do next:
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