IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

People living in large cites today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #face #life #governments #move #towns
Recent
Change preposition
In recent
show examples
 years,many family
structure
Change to a plural noun
structures
show examples
 has changed
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
the
a
show examples
nuclear family the role division of the family
also
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
change
Replace the word
changed
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
 I don’t think these changes are positive since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Kiel’s growth . To commence with,role division is the factor that
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 the family
structure
changed
Change the verb form
to change
show examples
,it
change
Change the verb form
changes
show examples
 the traditional view.In 1978,China publish the Reform and opening,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
 people who live in outdated villages more to the city to
work
 with their
kids
 .
Thus
 the family
structure
 has turned the traditional extended family into a nuclear family Until nowadays ,the family
structure
 has changed a lot,
women
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not only limited
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household management or caring
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
kids
 but
also
 working at the office.
For instance
,financial,tourism or service industry,
women
 get the job opportunity and
paid
Add a missing verb
are paid
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as men .
Therefore
,there are many career
women
 in society , some of them still working until
30years
Correct your spelling
30 years
 old,they just focus on
work
 and
lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 time to date with others. Even some of them said they won’t get
marry
Wrong verb form
married
show examples
 or give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brith
Correct your spelling
birth
 to a child. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
.
Although
 the nuclear family
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
 ,they still need to
working
Change the verb
work
show examples
 and
lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 time to
care
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. The dual-income family have to
work
 out all day until
night
Add an article
the night
show examples
.
However
,the
children
 are neglected to
care
 .
Therefore
,the
parents
 chose
hiring
Change the verb form
to hire
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic helpers for caring
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
kids
. Not only taking them to school but
also
 cooking lunch or dinner for them,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
alienation between
kids
 and
parents
. I don’t think these changes are positive.
Firstly
, the family relationship will become
alienate
Wrong verb form
alienated
show examples
,
currently
Add a comma
,currently
show examples
 some families
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 always
work
 all day and lack time to accompany
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
. Since
children
 still being
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 growing phase , the
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 is related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
parents
. If
parents
 lack
care
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
, they may go astray or against the
parents
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will cause a
deeply
Change the word
deep
show examples
 would
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their mental health and impact their future.
Secondly
,the elderly lack
care
Change preposition
of care
show examples
also
 is the problem that the family
structure
change
. The traditional social convention is
women
 have to
care
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 elderly at home.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 development
break
Change the verb form
breaks
show examples
 the stereotype, the set Discrimination Act prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
 are same
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men .
Therefore
, most families with
are go
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 out
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
 ,nobody cares
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 elderly,some may send the elderly to
Elderly’s
Change noun form
Elderly
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
Nerrethless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, many of them
unwilling
Add a missing verb
are unwilling
show examples
 to go there as it
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 like
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 elderly’s prison ‘ they can’t get freedom , only can
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 TV
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
or
newspaper
Correct article usage
the newspaper
show examples
.
The life
Correct article usage
Life
show examples
 is boring and some may suicide.
To conclude
, there are different challenges
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the family
structure
change
.
Although
 it has
upside
Fix the agreement mistake
upsides
show examples
 and
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
, I still think family
structure
 is
negative
Correct quantifier usage
more negative
show examples
 bigger than positive.
Submitted by n159247630 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: