IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What is the cause and effect?

#crime #countries #world #people #effect
People
 who cannot take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 to commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 compare with
another segment
Fix the agreement mistake
other segments
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldwide. There are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of problems that
people
 suffer because of
this
 crime, but
also
 some straightforward measures parents can take
protect
Fix the infinitive
to protect
show examples
 their children. Perhaps the major factor here is parents
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not enough attention for young
people
 what they do.
For instance
,
according to
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
, young
people
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not control themselves as an adult, so they commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 based on their
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
many young ones take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their body. A
further
 problem is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of law, the government could not action to introduce what is
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
a wrong
show examples
 thing if teenagers do it. The Parliament should have to control what
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 on TV
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
promote motivational content. Turning to
possible
Add an article
a possible
show examples
 solution, probably the most effective measure is to enhance
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
 of parent to their loved ones. To cite the most recent news I have heard as an example, under 24 ages of
people
 are bullying peers
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is increasing because of
discriminate
Replace the word
discrimination
show examples
 which
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
wealthy
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
 or clothes so on. On
Add an article
the
show examples
subject of
side
Add an article
the side
a side
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
effects, young
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tend to would like to imitate what they
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 on YouTube or TV content.
To sum up
,
this
 is a problem that
full
Correct article usage
the full
show examples
 of attention must have under 24
people
, and the solution will require combined action by parents and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: