IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Young people are now spending more and more time and money following fashion trends. What is your opinion? Is this a postive or negative development?

#people #time #money #fashion #trends #postive #development
Young people consider the backbone of a country. But, nowadays, it's becoming a debatable issue where today's youth is moving on. Their traits like investing more amount of funds and
time
 in following fashion are becoming a buzz topic. Some people consider only positive points,
however
, I believe, its negative points outweigh the positive ones. I'll discuss the drawbacks of inclining youngsters towards fashion. First of all, the young generation is the future of every country and should look upon constructive activities that not only provide growth and development in each and every aspect of their life but are
also
 considered beneficial for a nation's
overall
 prosperity.
For example
:
Instead
 of wasting
time
 in saloons, and shopping centres to get a new look, to buy new clothes etc., it is good to devote
time
 towards studies, spending
time
 in libraries to read knowledgeable books which will help to get good doctors, scientists, engineers in society which will not only benefit to them from their career perspective but
also
 help countries to be strong enough economically.
Furthermore
, folks should spend
time
 in recreational activities like playing sports; social activities.
For instance
, helping poor children in their studies by providing volunteer teaching classes to them. It will lead to social welfare, will ultimately make stronger bonds among communities, and
also
 result in the balanced prosperity of nations. Apart from them, to maintain their status quo in society, people are following the latest fashion trends,
imbalancing
Correct your spelling
balancing
 their financial budgets. owing to it, many of them indulged in heavy debt, increasing mental problems
such
 as depression, stress, anxiety, and most worse suicide cases. In the end, I would like to end up my essay with the saying that catching the latest trends is a negative development as a citizen, or for the nation as a whole. Modern pupils should rethink their behavioural aspects, and direct their energy and wealth toward the welfare of civilization.
Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: